I have always wondered why individuals in the healing profession seem to have addictions and codependency issues.
I have observed nurses come out of cancer wards for a smoke break and I think "Why"? After what these individuals see daily, I can not fathom why Nurses/Empathetic individuals, destroy their bodies with cigarettes, prescription drugs, bad diets, alcohol, and marry toxic partners.
Death is a natural process, we start dying the moment we are born. Every part of our body dies and regenerates itself as we grow older second by second. So why do we want to hurry along this process and choose to live unhealthy lifestyles?
It may be in the way we are raised, it could be in part to our Ancestral DNA, it could be our addiction to toxic foods, polluted water sources, GMO foods, sugar addictions, and it can also be in part due to past life karma as well as us picking up the negative toxic energy of others day in and day out.
Addiction is codependency, but did you know that you can become codependent and addicted at a Soul Level?
When I meet my fourth husband I realized early on that we had spent numerous lifetimes together. I would have vivid dreams about these past lives. I came to realize that all of these lives had always ended in tragedy and death. Instead of seeing this as a warning, I saw it as a challenge to make this life one of unconditional love, joy, and happiness.
My Soul was caught up in the recognition of his Soul. At first, this relationship was amazing, the sex was out of this world. We would kiss and I would lose track of time. He always made me feel like I was the most important part of his day.
Being in the Air Force he was deployed soon after we had met. We wrote letters back and forth and I created this perfect man and relationship in my imagination. When he returned from his deployment he was a changed man. But did I acknowledge this, did I see this as a warning sign? Nope, I had created the perfect life in my mind and it was going to become our reality.
This man learned how to use my love language, which is praise, and intimacy, to control me and our life together. This worked really well for him until 2008. I had been taking many healing and spiritual awakening courses since 1997, and as I became connected to the Spirit World, through meditation and these courses, I began to find my inner voice. I was exerting my independence, and he found that he could no longer manipulate me to get what he wanted.
I had always been financially responsible and had always had what I needed to support myself and my daughters, but for some reason after this man and I were married money seemed to always, be flowing out of our pockets like water.
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During our years together I would find a great paying job only to lose it for one reason or another, any home business I tried to build would start out great and then dry up overnight. Even volunteer positions would start out positive and end up becoming a negative experience for me.
I also went from 137 lbs to 200 lbs during the first 3 years of your marriage, never being able to drop these pounds no matter what exercise or diet I tried. Stephen was very jealous of any relationships I had at work or in my personal life, he would make it very uncomfortable for me to have the two of us socialize or even spend time with my daughters, or other family members.
We basically became unsocial, to the point where I even gave up working outside our home trying to keep him happy.
When Stephen found me no longer of use to him emotionally or financially he packed my bags and sent me on my way in 2008. I moved to the city where my daughters were living with their spouses, by now I had one grandchild and a second due soon.
I was a complete emotional and physical mess. I had lost all my self-esteem, I was so exhausted mentally, physically, and spiritually that my daughters treated me like an 80-year-old incompetent person. I was 49 years of age. I slowly started my journey back to finding myself.
I had all the tools from all the courses I had taken, with me. This spiritual inner journey over the next seven years would shake me to my core. It would make me realize I had lost all connection to who I had been and who I wanted to become, due to the toxic co-dependent relationship I had had with my ex.
I did have some success and moments of clarity, joy, and fun but I still felt so lost on a Spiritual level. In 2015 I made an appointment with Kate K. She is a healer, so in-tuned with her personal power and the Spiritual world, that it is impossible to come out of one of her sessions without a mind-blowing 'aha' moment.
During this first session, we discovered that my Soul was nothing more than a wispy light-weight-feather hanging on by a single silver thread of energy to the crown of my head.
During my marriage, my physical body was manifesting this addictive, toxic codependent relationship by gaining weight, but my Soul had been withering up and dying a little bit at a time.
In Clarissa Pinkola Estes's book "Women Who Run With the Wolves on pg. 31, states; "We know the soul-spirit can be injured, even maimed, but it is very nearly impossible to kill....you can dent the soul and bend it. You can hurt it and scar it. You can leave the marks of illness upon it, and the scorch marks of fear. But it does not die, for it is protected by La Loba in the Underworld."
When the realization that my soul, had been damaged to the point of being a wispy feather, due to the toxic codependent addictive nature of my last marriage, I had to totally change the way I thought about myself and my life.
Every time I felt the yearning for my ex and my ego would remind me of the good times we had-had before it all fell apart, I would remind myself and my Soul of how destructive that relationship had become for both of us.
It took a good six months of revisiting the truth of my relationship before my Soul stopped craving my ex's Soul.
I began to understand what it was like for other people living in toxic codependent relationships or with life-threatening addictions, and how hard it is to overcome that addictive codependent behavior and how important it is to have the right tools in place and the right support system available to them.
The healer in me realized that not only do we need to look at our physical addictions but also need to recognize the addictions we have at a Soul level when we come into this world.
Codependent addiction to another family member, or a partner, or an obsession with another person, pain, and even self-sabotage behaviors, are all addictions at a Soul level. By working on ourselves with Healers, Spiritual mentors, health care professionals on a physical, mental, spiritual and emotional level, we can once again achieve a Soul level cleansing, re-boot if you like, so that we can get back to the job of following our Soul path in this incarnation.
I daily, remind myself to come from a space of love and not ego. I also accept my need to cry and swear and be angry because keeping in negative energies just feeds them. Releasing them with a good "fuck it" and then forgive yourself, and those who triggered that emotion in you, allows the negative energy to release. Finding a positive word, or a positive memory, to replace what you are going through brings you back to where you want to be very quick.
As a Holistic Healer, and a Spiritual mentor, being in a co-dependent toxic relationship or having addiction issues is not a good thing. When you are working with clients you are holding a sacred space for the Angels, Spirit Guides, the Ancestors, and that Soul, to work within the client's sacred anatomy and physical body, at a DNA and cellular memory level.
The healing energies you have called into your healing session, on behalf of your client, flow through your physical body, your Sacred anatomy which is your Soul energy, and into the client. If you do not respect your physical body, your sacred anatomy, respect your knowledge, wisdom, and skills as a healer and mentor then the Spirit
world can not work within you or through you.
They, however, will send loving energy to you and your client, but no true healing can begin until you as the facilitator honor your physical body and have provided a clean environment for them to work through. You would not drink polluted water and expect to stay healthy, and spirit cannot work through a polluted codependent physical body either.
We are all a work in progress, we all have issues we are working on each and every day. No one is perfect, however, we do need to check in with our Spirit Guides and our Soul daily through meditation so that we can be guided towards our highest and greatest good. Eat healthily, take a good look at your choices and ask; "where do I see myself in five years"?
Take an honest look at your life. Evaluate what is good and what feels like it needs to change, in order for you to achieve the life you dream about.
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Sending all of you Light & Love, Robynn-Spirit Whisperer