What is the Soul- Really?
If our soul is pure energy, then how do we relate and connect to it?
I was talking to a Facebook friend trying to explain the importance of clearing out patterns, and negative Karma from past lives when she asked: “What is the purpose of re-incarnation. Why would our Soul even want to go through all of these negative things? And stated: there was a time where I was so unhappy and in pain, I contemplated suicide. I do not understand what the purpose of this life is?”
It startled me a little bit because I have been trying to achieve a one-on-one relationship with my Soul for some time. I had forgotten what it felt like to have no concept of the Soul.
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I wake up in the morning and my Soul is present, and my EGO is a quiet voice. Whereas in the not too distant past, when I woke up with the EGO was present and the Soul was regulated to the quiet voice.
My friend, went on to talk about her disconnect with her parents, feeling like she was always left out. She explained that she was really close to her older siblings and that she felt happy and safe around them. At times in her life, she had contemplated suicide.
I too came to a state in my twenties where I felt suicide was an option. I will continue this conversation in writing, with a part of my personal story from here.
The back story that led up to the pain and despair of suicide becoming an option for me was as follows: I was given no verbal or physical love from my parents or my siblings. There was no conversation at the dinner table, we ate in silence. Meals were a lesson on which fork to use, do not chew with your mouth open, you eat dessert last. That sort of thing.
We were never allowed to ask questions or express our opinion, or even to question our parents’ words or actions towards us, nor the churches' religious teaching, that we attended. We rarely did a thing as a family with mom and dad actively involved with us. We did our thing, mom and dad did theirs.
I had no concept of what love felt like as I had never received it. So, it is no surprise that I was pregnant at 16, lost the baby. Became pregnant again at seventeen. Was forced to marry the father and gave birth at the age of eighteen. I was desperate for any kind of attention, good, bad, or indifferent. I just wanted to feel worthy of love.
The father, only being eighteen years of age, also had no emotional connection to the energy of love. He came from a male domineering home in which he did what he was told by his father and was not allowed to think for himself. His mother was in full-blown victim mode.
We rarely saw each other because he worked on the farm from sunrise to sunset. I was in town raising a baby on my own, and 18 months later found myself pregnant with another.
During this time, I had no support system. I never heard from my parents, let alone his. No one in the small town reached out to get to know me, to befriend me, even the church leaders were absent.
When the marriage fell apart, which of course it would when a husband leaves at seven AM in the morning and returns after ten PM at night, there is no relationship, no connection. I came to the conclusion that if I was raising my daughters alone, I might as well live on my own.
Long story short my mother and sister showed up at my apartment uninvited, attacked me verbally, and proceeded to tell me I was a horrible welfare mother, I did not deserve my children and they threatened to have social services take the children from me. Now my sister and mother had never come to visit me, or spend time with me during my marriage, nor had they spent time with me once I was living on my own with my daughters.
They had never observed my parenting skills, my daughters were healthy, happy, and well looked after. This verbal emotional attack on me was based on some rumor they heard, or so they said.
When you grow up with no say in your life, with no control over your day to day choices when you are not allowed to express an opinion or stand up for yourself, how do you find the inner strength, when you are being ganged up on by your mother and sister, to defend yourself?
Looking back now I see that I was having a mental breakdown. What I had been through up to that point in time was more than I could handle on my own. There was no support system back then, women where pumped up with Valium, by their male doctors and told to go home and obey their husbands and take care of their kids and quit complaining as this was their role in life. The male leaders of the churches were just as bad, the husband ruled the household in the manner he saw fit.
My husband ended up with the girls and full custody. I went to college and took upgrading so I could get my G.E.D, high school diploma. During this time, I began to feel deep despair in my heart. I did not know what depression was. I had never heard the word, I just knew that I felt like an utter failure. I was so lost and alone. I had no idea how to move forward in my life or even if I was worthy of living.
The only thing that stopped me from committing suicide that day, was the thought: ‘I do not want my daughters to grow up with the stigma their mom had been crazy and killed herself’.
I started praying again, asking for help and guidance. The next morning, I entered the college bookstore and on the first shelf stand, as you walked in, was thirty or more of, Shirley MacLaine's' book “Don’t fall off the mountain”. I purchased that book knowing that the answer to my prayer was somewhere in that book.
I read it from cover to cover in one day. That book saved my life. I resonated with Shirley MacLaine and the story she told. I was so impressed with her ability to continue with her life no matter what happened, and how she never gave up on her dreams.
What would it be like to have that level of self-confidence and control over my life? It was a beginning for me, I found my own voice and yearning to believe that I could be more than I was right now at this moment.
I would love to say my journey was smooth sailing, but it was not. I made lots of mistakes and my self-confidence would go from trying to be true to myself and my needs, only to find myself surrendering completely into the next relationship. Always, trying to make that other person happy, no matter what it cost me because that is what I thought love was.
Four failed marriages are what I achieved by using this idea ‘that if I made the other person happy, they would then love me and eventually start making me happy too’.
A shattered heart at the age of 49 had me looking in the mirror and saying: ‘I can not do this anymore, why am I so unlovable, I do not like what I am seeing, I do not like who I am, what is the purpose of me being here if all I do is fail?
It was not all bad, during my thirties and forties and in that last marriage, I spent time on my spiritual growth, taking healing courses, spiritual courses, read copious amounts of books about those subjects, still, a huge fan of Shirley MacLaine continuing to read most of her books. Trying to repair my relationship with my daughters, they had spent most of their teen years living with me full-time.
During this period, I was connected to my Soul energy, spirit guides, and the Deva’s of Nature were coming into my healing practice. I stated one day to my Spirit Guides, that I would love to create a format where I could take all of the things I had learned, the course materials, and integrate them into a healing format I could have at my fingertips.
“The Pathway’s to the Soul” course was created. It was co-created with the guidance and information from my Spirit Guides. I would use these charts and information when working with clients to find out where they were on a physical, mental, and spiritual level, what healing they required, and how to get them to participate and implement these spiritual and healing formats into their life.
During the research and creation of this course, I was given the vision of how my Soul interacted with me at an energy level and how the Soul participated in physical form.
I was shown a Spiders web, in the center of the web was a hole, this hole represents the cosmos of the Soul. You can visualize it in any color, size, or shape you wish. The strands of energy the web is created from, are the energetic parts of the Soul that it sends out of itself, to take physical form. All those spaces between the strands of energy creating the web represent a different world or reality the Soul is choosing to experience or participate in. All at the same time.
The Soul, being pure energy, can experience multiple realities at the same time while maintaining its natural form in the Cosmic energy of space and time. The brain in the human body also functions in this manner. Our brain is not controlled by our conscious or subconscious mind. It just is.
Our Soul is a vibration of energy consciousness. To experience physical form, it creates a different vibration, this vibration then creates a more solidified energy, called the body. When we are first born, we have a strong emotional, and mental connection to our Soul. We are one with our soul in body, mind, and emotion. Our ego, which is our body’s awareness of being alive, you can call it the conscious and subconscious energy of the physical form, is just starting to develop.
At first, the Soul and Ego work as one but as we interact with those around us, and we are told how to be, how to behave, how to think, how to perform, how to make those around us happy, we lose our ability to hear our Soul. We lose the connection we were meant to have with our Soul, and we forgot what our purpose is, in this lifetime.
The trauma we go through from birth to death can completely block our connection with our Soul.
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So how does one re-establish this connection with their Soul? How does one even come to the realization that life is not about just learning how to survive? It is not just about achieving status in your community and career. Nor is it about, how to accumulate material wealth.
We come to realize that we still feel empty and alone at the end of the day no matter what we have accomplished or achieved.
We can start by asking the questions: Why am I here? Why can I not find love? Why am I never satisfied with a career? Why can I not make the people around me happy? How do I learn to love myself?
When you ask these questions, the Soul is given the opportunity to start moving you in the direction where you will find the answers. You will be drawn to a book, or a webinar, a course, spiritual practice, or even the ending of friendships and relationships that have prevented you from personal growth and self-love.
When you are ready, you will be drawn to spiritual healers, healing formats, spiritual leaders, and as you become more aware of your self-worth, your skills, and talents, you feel a yearning deep within yourself to find that Soul connection, an understanding or reason for why you were born into the circumstances you were.
You will learn not only to forgive yourself but those who have hurt you along the way.
You will find your heart filled with gratitude and unconditional love; you will no longer react to the world around you. You will learn how to acknowledge your emotion, you will accept that emotion for what it is in that moment, you will not project that emotion out into the world in a negative manner. You will take ownership of what you think, feel, and do each and every day.
Instead of responding in frustration and anger, you will see the sadness and loneliness in others and your first response will be to send them unconditional love from your heart chakra. Will you always be able to maintain this sense of calm? Not always because we are emotional beings, however, you can choose to start your day out in a positive self-loving manner through meditation.
In daily meditation, you can eventually achieve the ability to connect to your Spirit Guides, the Angels, the Deity of your choice, and your Soul. You will be given inspiration, led to the knowledge you require, the healing sessions your body needs, to be able to connect fully with your Soul energy once again, and receive the wisdom you have achieved at a Soul level.
The reality is that ‘we create what we think about’.
If you think and speak, using positive words and emotions then you will attract positive words and emotions from others; if you get drawn into the drama and negative energy of others, then that is what you will continue to attract into your day.
Forgive yourself when you lose that sense of calmness that you started your day with. Know that tomorrow is always a new day and you can again choose how you want to create it. Walk away from jobs and relationships that keep you in victim mode. Walk away from the mental energy that you need to control every aspect of your life to be happy. Come to the realization that yes we need material things to enjoy life, but when we bring these things into our life through unconditional love for our self and others, we will then enjoy our life and the material things we accumulated on our journey, in a much deeper level and we will never feel the energy of lack again.
Inner happiness comes from knowing, that you can have the life you want if you allow yourself that inner connection with your Soul during your daily meditation practice.
Awaken to the awareness, that you need to love yourself completely inside and out, before someone else can love you, while remembering that, that person also needs to be in the state of self love each and every day for you to love each other unconditionally.
Will we ever achieve that perfect sense of knowing and believing, never having a moment of doubt creep into our Ego? Maybe not. But each day I start with the meditation, connecting to my Soul, Spirit Guides, Angels, and Deities that choose to come through. Because I am open to receive, which is to my highest and greatest good each day.
I reach out to others on a daily basis, I share my thoughts and messages with others, through Facebook lives, my blog, and podcasts. I have numerous healing modalities to help those who are drawn to my healing practice and spiritual mentoring, I reach out to my team of spiritual leaders and healers when I feel stuck.
We are not meant to travel this path alone, connect with your Soul, and ask: 'How can I achieve my spiritual growth and physical healing today'?
Follow those promptings you feel throughout your day and know that your Soul loves you unconditionally, God loves you unconditionally, you are unique and you matter right now, you are here for a reason and without you, the world would not be harmonically balanced.