I find myself wide awake at three a.m. frustrated with myself. I feel like somedays I am following my path and purpose and other days I am not. I feel like I do not know how to achieve what I think should be a healthy balance.
Is it because I have too much time now that I am retired? Has my DNA been so programmed to produce 24/7 to survive that I do not know how to be in the moment?
If you think about a plant - it is always doing something to survive even though it is stationary above ground its roots are always digging, moving, looking for food and water. Insects and animals are always on the move looking for food when they are not sleeping. They too have a community because they know they can not survive alone.
Humans too have all of these qualities. We rest, we socialize, we thirst for knowledge, we work to survive, we are always looking for purpose in our lives. We question our own sanity daily. We look for answers be it in religion, spirituality, or social media. We look for mentors or idols to help us make sense of our own reality.
When we get to a certain age or our conscious awareness awakens in our life we realize that we are missing something and then we start our search for answers. Some of us only get so far and then we stop looking. We choose to let someone else tell us what is missing in our life, how we should think, or what our purpose should be.
This works for a while or it can become an obsession. We give up our innate sense of freewill when we stop questioning, when we stop looking for answers, when we stop searching and moving forward.
For each 'aha' moment we get, it actually starts a whole new list of questions we need to find answers too. If we allow our emotions to lead our lives we create illness and dis-ease. If we become all about the spiritual we forget about our bodies also creating illness, obesity, pain, anorexia, etc.
We have a physical, emotional, mental, as well as a Soul consciousness that we need to take into consideration everyday. We need to ask our self how do I acknowledge every part of me, how do I find a true balance that makes all aspects of this human existence seem normal?
You know I have met people who are truly happy. They get up every morning with a smile on their face, they like their jobs, their family, they find a little bit of joy in everything they do. Were they always this way? I do not know but somewhere in their life they made a decision to do just that, find a piece of joy that makes each day worth experiencing.
Is this the true secret to maneuvering our human existence? Is being human also being a slave until we free our self by discovering that one piece of joy daily as we co-create with all aspects of the planet earth?
I can achieve a sense of peace during meditation but I have yet to be able to stay in a state of joy and peacefulness, or sustain that inner spiritual knowing throughout my whole day.
This I think is a part of our journey here on earth. The gift of humanity - discovering what make us happy, what brings joy into our life, and how to achieve a sustained sense of joy that carries us throughout our day.
How I show up for my job, and how I talk to myself is also reflected in how I talk to other people in my life. When I started treating myself with love and kindness it was easier for me to extend that to other people no matter how they treated me. I began to see the pain in their heart, mind, and body because I started recognizing it in myself.
I realized that I was ignoring my own physical pain and began asking myself why? Pain is a warning, it is a reminder, it is a wake up call that something is wrong and by ignoring it we are avoiding our Soul path. We are ignoring our own consciousness awakening.
We go to the doctor and get pills to subdue the pain, or we cut out parts of our self, we also destroy that part of us that we hate or that has been abused.
I felt like I was a victim to my body, I resented being female because the men had all the freedom and I was a slave to a masculine world. My uterus died because I rejected that which made me female and a perceived slave in a male dominated reality.
I was twenty four years old when I had a hysterotomy. Think about how much I hated myself in such a short period of time on earth. By killing that part of me that made me female, I pursued a masculine ideal of what I should be. I cut myself off from the feminine aspect of my body, mind and Soul. I shut down half of what I was and tried to create my life in disharmony.
We are here to learn how to balance the feminine and masculine energies, the yin and yang, the body and the soul. We are here to learn how to love ourselves unconditionally.
Our true task is to find self love and in doing that we create an energy, a vibration of love, this extends out to all who cross our path be it human, plant, animal, mineral, elemental, it is said that water hold the vibration of unconditional love and that is why our body is mostly water and that without water/love we die.
Think about how much easier life would be if we woke up with love and joy in our hearts, if we saw everything in our life as a precious gift that just keeps on giving. How do we achieve this? One baby step at a time, one day at a time while loving and forgiving our self and realizing that nothing is perfect. We are all imperfect and that truly is what makes us unique.
Take five minutes a day and appreciate all the things that make you unique, quirky, special, and fun. During the day appreciate all of the other things in life that are unique, quirky, special and fun. We are here to love and share love with all things that we connect to during our day be that plant, animal, human, elemental, mystical, spiritual and so on and so forth.
Do I know what today will bring? No but I can start my day with a heart filled with love and gratitude. This is something I can choose from the moment I awake to the moment I go to sleep.
Sending all of you heart felt love and gratitude, thank you for just being you.
Love Robynn If you need to know the truth about the jab please go to these documents. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1ZqxOR5RsXZ8GOUvkE_sK32NCul4RgSoH?usp=sharinghttps://mega.nz/folder/b4wkGIYZ#jNx653qPHXuDAOxqDXkg0Q